My best friend, Insomnia is back for a visit.
And I'm coughing my life away.
I miss my dad.
He's took a break from all the housework for a week
and flew to Shanghai to enjoy life.
He kinda deserved the break though.
He been slogging his ass off housework
ever since he retired.
Which was some nine years ago.
Been staying home all week.
Think I kinda needed time alone,
and with my family.
I wanted to show how important they are to me.
But i guess, their impression of me will never change.
Spoilt, rebellious, selfish and unappreciative.
Yet the fact is, I really care.
The attention's always on my cousin,
even though he's not home much.
I'm surprised by how people tend to love someone
who claims that he has nothing.
everyone will shower him with presents,
and next thing you know, he has everything.
And they always nagged at how much I spent,
and how little I stayed home.
Just because they don't see it dosen't mean
that I'm not making any effort.
It's okay that they don't understand, really.
But I guess the least they could do,
is to give me a chance,
and appreciate me a little.
My dad gave my cousin my bicycle.
The both of them didn't even say anything about it.
He didn't even ask if he could borrow it.
I was fine with it, really.
I don't mind sharing my bicycle,
provided he takes good care of it.
But he just left it in the rain.
How can i be okay with that?
And now the bike's his,
without me knowing it.
Shouldn't they at least ask?
Or discuss with me first?
I know the whole entry seems really petty.
Don't get me wrong,
I am not jealous.
Neither am I angry.
I'm just upset and disappointed.
Needed to rant.
Life's been good to me.
I know I'm lucky, I'm blessed with a family.
I love my parents and my family.
And I'm sure they do love me somehow.
But sometimes, it's just not enough.
The hurtful words they said killed a part of me.
I grew up feeling lonely,
and i'm really afraid that
I'll grow old feeling this way.
Life and love and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping
And all of your searching
For what?
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for